Today, weariness weighed heavy on my soul, the consequence of a restless night. Motivation eluded me, and the rain only added to my somber mood. My day at work felt devoid of productivity, my thoughts scattered, and guilt gnawed at me for failing to accomplish all I had planned. A mountain of tasks awaited me at home, and taking my dog for a walk on this damp evening seemed an insurmountable challenge. I balled my fists, struggling to contain the urge to lash out at the world. It was the epitome of a bad day, steeped in melancholy. What could I possibly be grateful for today?
The question lingered heavily in my mind, a task set forth in a course I was taking. Yet, with a fervor that surprised me, a simple answer emerged: nothing… Why should I be grateful on a day when everything seemed to go awry, when exhaustion, frustration, and the weight of the day threatened to bring me to tears? Still, I forced myself to find at least three things to be grateful for… more out of obligation to the task than out of genuine gratitude.
I managed to recall the comforting warmth of my morning coffee, the brief respite from rain during my walk to work, and the delightful indulgence of a chocolate croissant. But then, as if by magic, I began to recount a myriad of small moments and fleeting joys that had lifted my spirit, if only for a fleeting moment: a smile exchanged on the street, an artfully arranged shop window, the timely arrival of the tram, the kind face of the baker who handed me the croissant, a phone call from a friend, the chat with colleagues during our lunch break, and later, the warm embrace waiting for me at home. So many occurrences that had passed by unnoticed.
Gradually, I felt the rhythm of my heart slowing, my breath finding a calmer cadence. The day’s memories still lingered, but I felt a newfound sense of tranquility and optimism for the next day.
Gratitude – trait, mood, cognition
According to common sense, gratitude refers to the simple act of thanking someone for receiving a gift or a favor. It is known to be accompanied by a sense of appreciation which enhances positivity. However, Robert Emmons, a lead researcher on gratitude, conveys the complexity of gratitude, as it can be conceptualized as a personality trait, a mood, a coping behavior and even a cognitive process (Emmos & Crumpler, 2000). Nonetheless, we are all introduced to the benefits of purposely practicing gratitude, from improved well-being, increased physical and emotional health, reduction on stress levels to enhanced self-esteem, resilience and an overall positive life outlook.
The benefits of gratitude
While some people experience what is called a gratitude trait, a natural inclination of observing the positive side in one’s life and the behavioral responses that comes to it, others need a more intentional effort put into this. Good news, it is trainable and with a bit of effort we can all be more grateful. But if jotting down the small things that are making your days better or at least bearable seems a bit childish, here are some scientifically proven benefits of gratitude to convince you that it is worthwhile.
1. Enhanced mental-health
Several studies have shown the positive effects of gratitude on mental health, especially when it comes to alleviating depression symptoms, boosting recovery and even increasing sleep quality and the overall well-being. For example, a regular gratitude journaling experiment has indicated an increase between 5% to 15% in optimism (Amin, 2014). Seligman et al. (2005) demonstrated that keeping a gratitude journal can lead to 35% reduction in depressive symptoms. Another experiment where participants had a two-week gratitude intervention discovered that reported increased sleep quality (Jackowska, Brown, Ronaldson, & Steptoe, 2016). Given the relation between gratitude and positivity, gratitude is also considered a protective factor when it comes to suicidal ideation.
2. Find purpose and motivation
If you’re looking for some motivation to get your things done and fulfil your goals, the answer is also gratitude. Sometimes, when we set goals for ourselves, we can only see how far the finish point is from us. If the progress is slower or if we get stuck on our way there, it’s quite easy to demotivate and give up. That’s why a gratitude practice added before planning can lead to enhanced focus and motivation. This process helps us switch to a positive and resourceful state of mind, more beneficial when setting goals. Additionally, it is an acknowledgement of our existing accomplishments – a good motivation boost. And pointing out the things that worked well today is just a simple reminder that no matter how stuck we may feel one day, we continuously make steps forward.
3. Improved self-esteem
Self-esteem is the opinion we hold about ourselves. It encompasses the confidence in our ability to handle life’s challenges and the belief in our right to be successful and happy. High self-esteem is essential for achieving our goals and increasing our overall happiness. There are several directions to take in order to build a strong self-esteem, including living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and being integer (6 Pillars of Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Branden). Among the practices to improve self-esteem, being grateful is particularly important. Taking the time to appreciate what we have and have achieved can break the cycle of taking things for granted, craving for more, and envying others, ultimately leading to an increase in self-esteem. In a study by Rash, Matsuba and Prkachin (2011) participants who completed a four-week gratitude contemplation reported greater life-satisfaction and self-esteem than the control group.
4. Strengthen relationships
There are even benefits that transcend the individual. The emotion of gratitude is thought to have social effects, boost family relationships and enhance friendships. In a research focused on the relational antecedents of gratitude and its implications for relationship formation, Algoe et al (2008) analyzed the role of naturally occurring gratitude in college sororities during a week of gift-giving from older members to new members to predict relationship formation and maintenance.
For even more scientifically proven benefits of gratitude, you can check the list of research papers at the end of this article.
Dismantling the critics
There are however, those who criticize gratitude for getting complacent instead of chasing for the stars or for being overly positive at the expense of processing negative emotions. Lastly, it can add to the tyranny of the shoulds (Horeny, K.), yet another thing that we must do, which in turn can lead to overburdening.
But here is the trick, gratitude is not overly positive, neither complacent. It is not selfish, nor burdensome. If I had to choose one way of defining it, I’d say it is a perspective towards life that enables us to observe the good things that happen in our lives, to acknowledge our accomplishments, internal and/or external resources, improving our well-being and mental health.
Even though gratitude teaches us to appreciate more of what we have, it is not the equivalent to staying in our comfort zone. It is with the boost of self-esteem that we get from knowing all the good things mentioned that will help us step out of our comfort zone, take risks and do more. Also, acknowledging the positives does not erase the negative feelings and emotions. But it helps us to manage those better. I can only tell you from my own experience. Completing a gratitude challenge didn’t prevent me from living the negative emotions or my low moods (that could be an illusory promise), but, by the end of the day I could balance my negativity. As for the need to conform to yet another self-development practice, I tell you what – this is not a prescription, a recipe for life or something to add to your tasks. If you truly get the benefits, experiment with it, play with it, make it creative and fun… and purely observe if you get any of the above benefits. I certainly did 😉
Examples of gratitude practices
Gratitude contemplation
Before writing down your goals, next time you can set aside time for a small gratitude contemplation (it is more powerful if written down). Instead of thinking straight ahead to the future and everything that you want to do. Acknowledge what you have already accomplished. Think of the 3 most important resources you have (skills, ability, external resources at your disposal etc). Finish this practice, by thinking/writing down what went well the day or the week before.
Gratitude journaling
This is the most known gratitude exercise. Every day before going to bed, take time to think about three things that went well that day. Keep doing this for at least 21 days (the known time that takes to build a habit) to see a change in perspective and long lasting results.
Encourage gratitude with your meaningful one
If you don’t feel like journaling, you can try some other alternatives. For example at the end of the day/week you can encourage a gratitude discussion with your partner/family/friends, where you can think together of the smallest to biggest positive things. You can even help the other see the positive side of their days (and vice-versa). Sometimes, when we are stuck in negativity, we have a bad day or we are experiencing depression and anxiety it can be very difficult to switch from a grey filter to a “pink” one and having someone pointing us where to look can be helpful.
The gratitude jar
While I am familiar with this practice especially during special times such as Holidays or gathering with friends for someone’s birthday, I recently found an interesting suggestion (which I want to experiment myself with). Find an empty jar and place it somewhere handy. Leave a bunch of post-its and a pen close-by. At the end of each week, write down three of the things you are grateful for on a separate post-i and place it in the jar. After a year (or the period you’d like to try this out), or in a difficult period, pull out the post-its and read them aloud. This is a perfect activity for couples and families alike.
Some other ways to practice gratitude: no pen & paper required
- Begin your day by appreciating your comfortable bed, soft pillow and warm pillow.
- Stretch and acknowledge the fact that you’re healthy and breathing.
- Take time during your meals to appreciate your food.
- Notice your surroundings from a gratitude perspective.
- Switch from negative to positive. For each negative aspect that you’re noticing about something or someone, try to find something positive.
- Replace the shorter “thanks” with a genuine “thank you”. Add a smile to it.
- Compliment someone.
- Call the person you are most grateful for (I confess, this is not my idea, but this experiment is kind of cute)
Take-away message
Gratitude practice is simple. And it fits into everything that we do. And from my own experience it is a powerful tool for our mental health. After a bumpy start with my gratitude challenge (I had to take it all over again for three times as I had skipped it some days) I finally completed it. And one thing is certain, I got into the habit of checking the bright side even during a gloomy, rainy day. One thing to remember, though, is that constancy leads to noticeable results. In all the studies I came across, participants were practicing a form of gratitude for more than two weeks. It kind of works in the same way as going to the gym – you won’t get fit in just one session.
So, what are you grateful for today? Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. And think of (or write down if you dare) 3 things you’re grateful for today. It doesn’t take longer than 2 minutes but a lifetime of positivity.